So I'm halfway through college and just a few weeks away from being 21.  I'm not quite sure how either of those things happened, but whatever.  I made it.  Sooo here's a list of 21 things that I wish I knew when I was halfway through high school.

1.  Moving halfway through high school wasn't as good of an idea as you originally thought.  Cherish those last few minutes being in the top 25 people of your class.

2.  Nike shorts will, in fact, become a staple in your wardrobe.  Thanks for a good foundation of those, by the way.

3.  You will miss cheerleading because that's the only time/way you're willing to do exercise.

4.  You're not going to be a doctor, possibly because you took pre-calc instead of AP Chem.  But you got out of calculus, so don't worry.

5.  You're also not going to be a lawyer, journalist, or social worker.

6.  You're actually going to be a teacher.  Laugh all you want, but you're going to love it.

7.  Going to UT is a good idea, even though North Carolina will always be home.

8.  Wagon Wheel.  You're welcome.

9.  I'm just going to throw this out there- your taste in music is based off what other people think is cool and not what you like.  Change that.

10.  People are going to surprise you, make you laugh, make you cry, and do stupid stuff.  That doesn't make them bad and that doesn't mean you have a right to dislike them or pass judgement.

11.  Biting through your face isn't such a bad thing.  It's great for Two Truths and a Lie.

12.  You aren't going to get over your love for sundresses.

13.  Crafting.  Love it, live it.

14.  Don't forget to enjoy learning.  You won't remember what it's like for a while, but you'll be happy when you do.

15.  HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO APPRECIATE/ENCOURAGE YOUR CURIOSITY.  Just do it.

16.  Don't let yourself feel like something is too "mainstream" to enjoy it.  Appreciate the dichotomy of being in AP classes with cool people while being a cheerleader, but like what you want to like.

17.  Boys don't ever make sense.  Nor should you ever feel like you should change for one.

18.  First dates don't ever get easier.  Especially if you don't realize you're on a date.  Which happens.  College.

19.  Philosophy isn't a good idea.  You will cry, and it will not be from the beauty or meaningfulness of what you're reading.  It will be because you have a stomach bug, have no idea if the reading is actually in English (still up for debate), and because finals.

20.  Hey guess what you still hate pizza.

21.  People will tell you that you should go to a different college, go into a different major, and about five thousand other things that you, quite frankly, could care less about.  That's fine.  People are often driven by success or knowledge or other stuff.  You love people, and you're good at it, which special ed requires.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with school and life and forget the little things that make me happy.  A lot of those little things come from a mission trip that I made to Nicaragua after my junior year of high school.  It was my first exposure to such poverty and victims of human trafficking.  Before I left to return to the US, I promised myself that I would return, not just to visit but to stay.  I get to go back in two weeks.  It's not going to be forever, like I wish it could be, as I'm obviously still in class and have a couple more years left till I graduate.  But I'll be going to the country that I fell in love with, and I'll get to see some old, dear friends.  I'll also be making some new friends at an equestrian center for kiddos with special needs.  Y'all, that's basically all I want to do.  Hang out with those kiddos and be their friend-- and I'm willing to get over my fear of horses to do it (thats a big commitment).  Ultimately, I want to work down there, but this will be a great chance just to see what that would look like.  I know I've been talking to just about everyone about it, but I'm so excited to go.  It's like going home after a very long day...  Or three years.  Whatever.

SO I FORGOT SOME OF THE BEST NEWS EVER.

I'm going back to Nicaragua for Spring Break this year.  I'm sad that I'll be missing Beach Reach, which is awesome experience and I totally recommend it, but y'all.  Nicaragua.  Nicaragua where I first experienced heartbreak over poverty and first realized that my life isn't meant to be lived in America.  Nicaragua where I'll be working with special needs kids and girls rescued from prostitution.  Nicaragua where my heart is constantly drawn back to.  Nicaragua where God is faithful beyond what I could ask for.

Basically what's going to happen is I'll come home from Austin, pack a bag, don my Chacos (joke I've broken in those bad boys), grab my mom, and head to my favorite place on earth.  Yes, I did mean my mom.  My mother, being the brave and gracious soul she is, has offered to come with me.  And by offered, I really mean that it's a family trip, so I kind of needed a family member.  If she knew what she was getting herself into, I don't know if she'd have offered.  I'm literally so so so excited.  I get to see some of my girls and hug them again.  When I left three years ago, I didn't know if I'd ever have the chance to see them again.  The fact that I not only get to go back, but that I also get to work with special needs kids just blows my mind.  Three years ago, I realized that I do, in fact, want to live abroad and work with kids with special needs to help improve their lives.  This is God's way of saying, "I know what I made you for.  You're learning what I made you for.  I haven't forgotten about you, and I'm not done with you just yet."

With all the joy in my heart, I can excitedly say that I have 66 days until I'm home.

I absolutely hate New Year's resolutions.  It makes me feel lazy and dumb and self-centered.  Half the time I promise myself to spend more time reading my Bible, which never happens, or to exercise, which also rarely happens.  Sometimes I decide to take school more seriously, which I overdid in high school.  I always try to be less awkward, and I always fail.  Regardless of its intentions, resolutions always end up making me feel worse about myself than when I started.

This year, I'm saying that those goals aren't going to be my idols.  I'm going to eat to feed myself and run because exercise makes you happy, apparently, and I only have one body.  I'm going to study and do schoolwork because I want to be the best teacher possible.  I'm going to try to love others like Jesus would because everyone is going through something and needs it.  I'm going to forgive myself like Jesus would too because that's really the heart of a lot of my problems.

So may your 2013 be filled with love, peace, and blessings.

I absolutely despise finals, but I love Best Buddies soooo here is my motivation for studying.

Sometimes life gets hard and messy and just not fun.  Sometimes there's cancer when she's too young and it shouldn't be happening but it is.  Sometimes family doesn't understand that your heart is literally not in the same city, state, or even country as your house and they get mad.  Sometimes boys break hearts, and sometimes girls break hearts.  Sometimes friends call and tell you a secret that no one else can know and the promise that nothing has changed is made.  Sometimes friends just need you there.  Sometimes you don't know what to do, and you cry with them, for them, and then you sit in shared silence.  The silence that says, "I love you, and I'm here in the mess because that's all I know how to do right now, and I have no words to try to fix anything."  So you sit and wait, because you don't know what else to do.

That's the silence I've been in for the last few months.

In that silence though, sometimes there's healing.  Sometimes there's answers.  Love is there always, though.

I have one of the sweetest girls in the world as one of my best friends.  We went to the mall yesterday and just window shopped.  We ended up getting matching American flag socks, and she helped me pick out some hairbands at Forever 21.  I made her try one about 20 different hats, and she giggled when I tried them on as well.  We talked about her boyfriends- she has TWO- and I asked her for her wisdom because I have none.  We talked about friends and family and cute boys we had seen.  We took pictures, and then we went to dinner at some restaurant.  On the way home, we had quite a dance party with some Taylor Swift and One Direction (whatever they're younger than me and have good music).  It was seriously so much fun.

This beautiful girl, however, wasn't supposed to be alive.  Her doctors said she would live until maybe two, but lucky for me and everyone she's ever encountered, that certainly is not the case.  She's such a blessing, and she's one of my best friends.