Happy finals week!

Like almost everyone else I know, I'm been buried in notes and books and various food items that I've consumed in my studying.  I have one final tonight (seriously though, why Saturday from 7-10 at night?) and two on Tuesday.  I have lost any regard for what's socially acceptable, which seems to be what those also on campus have done as well.  I have had my hair up with glasses and Nike shorts on all week.

My roommate moved out this afternoon.  We went and got dinner together last night, and on the way, we saw my favorite homeless man on Guad.  He's a big sweetheart and has been through a lot.  He lost his daughter when she was only four.  As we talked to him last night, he gave me the best compliment that I could ever think of.  He told me that he had been wondering what his daughter would have looked like when she was in college, and that he would often look at the girls walking by and wonder if she would look/be like them.  Then he said that he hoped that she would have looked like me.  And that she would be like me.  I literally almost cried.

I realize that I can't save everyone and that I can't love everyone how they deserve to be loved, but things like that make me want to try even harder.

Freshman year is winding down (or up, if you want to consider the four finals I'll be taking in the next two weeks).  I cannot believe I've been so blessed to get to be at the best university ever with the best people ever.  I've learned so much, even if I wasn't particularly interested in learning it.

Some of the most important lessons I've learned this year are that trust is to be earned, forgiveness is hard, and that letting go is the best thing in the world.  I'm a very compassionate person, and I love getting to know people and getting to love them.  It's easy to open up and want people to know and love me.  I've learned that not everyone needs to know all my absolutely wonderful traits (like my mad baking abilities) and my not so pretty ones (I snore).  People are most likely not going to be that vulnerable with me.  If they are, they'll either not remember it in the morning (what's up, Beach Reach?) or be ashamed that they let down their guard to someone.  Once you've made yourself vulnerable, it's easy for people to hurt you, intentionally or not.  So I've learned to guard my heart, but I haven't quite mastered how to forgive.  It's easy for me to hold grudges, which is something God has been working on me in.  But it's also very easy for me to remember the hurt and find reasons not to forgive that particular person.  I've learned to forgive those who I don't have to see ever, but those I see daily/weekly/however often is still hard.  The hurt is still too fresh, the cut was too deep, it's festered too long. This isn't limited to friendships or relationships or even people I know.  I know that I'm supposed to love the men who kidnap and sell my girls, but I only see the hurt that they've caused.  I know that God can do it, and that He knows infinitely more about them- good and bad- than I do and still loves them.  I dwell on what I see though, and I get mad that they've hurt those I love so much in that manner.  And I know that Christ's wounds were too fresh, too deep, and too much to let Him still live.  My wrongs did that to Him, and He loves me regardless.  That's not my attitude towards others. It should be, but it's not.  If I let hurt and bitterness stay in my life too long, it will also be too much to let me continue to live.  Luckily for me, Christ is constantly taking my pain and redeeming me and bringing me back to life.  Which brings me to my last lesson.  When I do let go of the pain, there is such freedom, joy, peace.  Nothing in this world can compare to it or take it away from me.  God is such a boss.

Things to remember for these next few weeks:
God's grace
Showing God' grace
Everything regarding math, linguistics, play in childhood development, and elementary physics
Packing
Studying
Praying for all friends who are going on cool mission trips
Studying
Taking care of Fred (my new fish)
Studying

Happy finals, y'all!